Observations From A Surf Vacation Volume 1

There are always waves here. I will never ever let any West Coast surfer tell me it's gone flat. Frankly, the only complaint these turkeys could level would be something about how some spot is overcrowded or way too vibey (more or less two sides of the same coin.) Even to that, I just laugh and tell them to try surfing one of their "flat" days at one of the "lesser" spots.  Turkeys.

There are giant grocery store chains in Southern California that carry only "gluten free" bread. Well, that's not totally true.  They also have "sprouted wheat" and "organic grass fed" bread, but the point is this place is the birthplace of all wonderful health fads destined for perversion into terrible health fads. Remember "nonfat milk?"  Yeah, I guarantee you it got its start here.  Or at least was accepted en masse here.  And what has that done for us? Stripped out all the good shit milk has to offer and replaced it with empty sugar. If you drink non-fat milk or eat non-fat yogurt just know now: I judge your rationality. Gluten Free is quickly heading down the same road. Granted, while the idea to curtail the crap starch bread wheat tsunami that is drowning us is an important bit of digestive business, the tumble, headlong, into sugary fillers and red-herring replacements all in the name of an anti-gluten crusade produces nothing better, giving people a false sense of confidence. Nonfat makes you fat. Gluten free makes you... gluten.

There are these giant islands of plastic swirling in the ocean and the plankton are eating them and the fish are eating the plankton and the other fish are eating those fish and we (and our cats and dogs and cows) are eating the fish because fish is the "perfect protein." Plastic Protein Revolution. Seriously, I swear it's nonfat and gluten free.

Speaking of revolutions, the Soft Top Revolution is in full effect.  I am a true believer. Not the best in every situation, but the squishy slidey, unencumbered goodness is not to be missed. Except of course that it's more plastic. In the ocean. Where there's shit tons of plastic already. Wait a minute...