Thursday, July 5, 2012

New York is for Surfers (The +s & -s of a Stab Article)

Stab Magazine is doing some sort of "best cities to live and surf in" deal and New York came up #8. I am not sure how much time Charlie Smith spends living in the city, but since he is a writer and may make his own writerly hours, perhaps he has a different take on the rigors of surfing here than the normal nine to five guy.   Or even  an eight to eight guy like me.  Either way, here is the scoresheet:

"The women are not the best. That is what Los Angeles is for."  I do not know what universe this guy is from.  Seriously.  I wouldn't usually talk about this sort of thing, but, come on.  We've got the United Nations.  Literally the United Nations.   There is no better place for women (and men) of a certain caliber and variety.  Come on.  
-40 points

"Do not stay cheap. Do not stay with friends. Do not stay cheap." God bless you for saying so. 
+20 points

"Walk, don’t ride or even subway. In walking, you will discover the textural nuances of Manhattan."  New York is for the peripatetic.  That is one of the very first things that occurs to everyone when they start living here.  One day you're in Central Park, walking around, getting the feel, in the blink of an eye you're eating a burger and drinking a beer at the Corner Bistro.  And you didn't step foot in a cab or train.  It's crazy.  Happens all the time.  
+5 points

"Do not listen to the hip New York crowd. They will crow on and on about Momofuku or the newest this and the newest that. Their tastes have become spoiled by excess. They no longer know what actually tastes good." This is so right on it is almost worth a thousand points.  Except it is ruined by the bizarre advice to eat at Pastis before other places.  You can do a lot better than that. 
0 points

"Do not set foot in Brooklyn."  Classic.  I'd tell you the same. Lord knows I rarely set foot in Manhattan anymore except to go to a session, see a museum show or um... what was that third thing?  Fact is, parts of Brooklyn, the famous parts where the hip people live, are now more expensive than lots of Manhattan.  Even Downtown.  Besides, there is nothing to really see in Brooklyn.  The see stuff is in Manhattan.  The only reason you'd want to make the trek to Brooklyn is to have a rooftop barbecue with some old friends.  And even that can be a drag, depending on the friends.
+10 points

"Don’t look shell-shocked. Look slightly jaded."  Shit, I look shell shocked all the time and I've lived here for over a decade.
-5 points

 "I don’t know how people have time for work with so much culture and fun around." Me neither. It sucks, truly.  
+5 points

"The models in Soho may even talk with you."  Here lies the problem.  All the models that would talk to you live in Brooklyn.  
-5 points

"Cold in the winter, humid hot in the summer, perfect in the spring and fall. New Yorkers love it when seasons change and they are right. It is loveable. Enjoy the nuances of each. Dress appropriately for each. Dress appropriate always." I have no idea what this even means.  But it's sorta true.  I guess.  
+2.5 points

Grand total: + 12.5
Ok, so I did the math on a piece of paper and it may still be wrong. And ok, I have no idea what +12.5 means.  But it's not a minus so... um... the birds are hotter here.  Photo by Matt Clark.


Jesse said...

This was a better read than the Stab article. Two enthusiastic thumbs up!

Elliot Struck said...

Mos Def better than our article! Very comprehensive! Bravo!

Toddy said...

Eh, Elliot. Yours were the article. Ours is just the snarky (if vaguely valid, if we do say so) commentary. Laughing that you even read this thing. Cool.

Anonymous said...

NYC women can't even compete with Tampa or Orlando, much less LA.